Artwork : Toyin Odutola
Good morning everyone,
I write and delete, not sure of how much i want to share of the critical voice inside my head after performing “not so well” in Lisbon for a workshop this week. Why did i perform poorly? I didn’t check in with myself and what was really present for me before starting, nor did i tune into what was present in the room as i began. After doing so well last month, I was sure i was going to nail it again this time:)
Well, BIG MISTAKE as Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman:)
When i speak at the front of a room, or guide meditations, i somehow feel as if the words are coming to me, through me, and before they do, i need to ground, calm down, be mindful of how i spend my day, what i do, read, eat, drink. This time, it was all coming from my head, didn’t flow, made little sense and i even felt like a fraud, not walking my talk. So after about thirty minutes of feeling off, i stopped and voiced the elephant in the room. I apologised for not feeling my best nor giving my best self, asked them to stand up, to shake their bodies (was a first for me:) and we started again.
Team building is the reason why i have been invited to Lisbon for the past few months, and once i voiced what was going on for me, a few of the people in the audience began to help me, guiding me with questions, with their experience and eventually helping me save the day.
I have learned my lesson here and though i have thought about reconverting again in the past 24hours:) I am going to keep writing and sharing this work until it no longer calls me. Somehow, its always about tuning into the present moment, practicing coming back to what is, instead of an idea of how things should be, of what we should say or do, which is based on passed conditioning.
So deep breath, feeling our feet on the ground, bottom on the chair, connecting to the air going through our nostrils, that’s really all it comes down to right now.
In case you feel called to learn more about this practice, i have uploaded a new guided meditation. Sessions in London and Brussels have now resumed, so please check the events page to know more. I am also available for one on one sessions which on a good day, can be extra powerful:)
In the meantime, I am sending you love